I used to have a really short temper. If someone would say something that annoyed me, or if something happened that frustrated me, I would immediately have an emotional reaction that resulted in me getting angry or pissed off.
I also used to be very defensive. If someone would say something that I felt was criticizing, offensive, or insulting, I would immediately go on the defensive and either lock up within myself, or lash out at that person in an attempt to defend myself in some way.
We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Someone says something to us, or something happens to us that we didn’t want to have happen, and it’s like this urge just takes over and we become this almost animal-like, uncontrollable version of ourselves.
I know for a fact that my short temper and my hyper-defensiveness cost me my first real relationship with someone I really loved and cared about.
Years later, when I started trying to change the kind of person I was and improve my mindset, one of the very first things I wanted to do was to fix my temperament and my defensiveness. It was a huge weakness of mine that I knew I needed to change.
It’s taken me quite a while, and I still don’t always get it 100%, but over time, I’ve found ways to deal with things that bother me in ways that I think are extremely useful and have almost entirely eliminated my uncontrollable urges to get angry or lash out.
If you find yourself in a situation where you find that someone or something is bothering you, try the following:
Most reactions we use are of an emotional nature. When something happens that our minds recognize as bothersome or annoying, our first reaction is usually emotional in some way. It’s a defense mechanism that happens, usually, automatically. However, it’s dangerous and completely unnecessary. Instead of lashing out emotionally, take a moment to stop and think sensibly. Ask yourself questions:
“Why would this person say that? Did they really mean to be insulting or hurtful?”
“Am I interpreting what this person is saying the right way?”
“Is this thing that’s bothering me out of my control, or in my control?”
Once you stop to think, you can come to your senses, get to the bottom of things, and see what’s really going on. Emotion has a tendency to cloud perception and judgment. Don’t let it. Control yourself and use your brain to think sensibly.
Getting stressed, angry, and pissed off literally takes energy to do. It requires you to use brain power and physical energy. Is something someone says, or something that things does, really worth using up that energy and brain power? Couldn’t it be better used conserved, or applied more usefully (Such as Smiling and Laughing!).
It’s so easy for a word or a circumstance to ruin a day. You are in complete control of whether or not you want something to affect you. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think using precious energy and brain power is worth it at all.
When you smile and laugh, your mind reduces the level of the stress hormone cortisol in your body and triggers the flow of endorphins from the brain, which helps to relax the body and increase a sense of well-being. Smile and laughter is the perfect antidote to frustration, anger, and stress. This seems kind of cliché and stupid, but let’s be honest…..how often does the simple act of smiling and laughing really get used in our daily lives? Probably not as much as it should.
When you decide to smile and laugh, it’s like you’re showing yourself that you’re bigger than what’s being said or done to you. Decide to feel good and happy, not angry.
Mean people suck, remember?
This is the exact mistake I made too often during my first real relationship. When she would say something I felt offensive or critical, I would let my emotions get the best of me and I’d forget about the fact that, “Hey, wait a second…….I love this person.” It doesn’t even have to be someone you know. If a total stranger is pissing you off, just love that person. You’ll be amazed at how amazing you feel after you do it.
You know that light that always seems to turn red right when you’re trying to race to work? Love the shit out of that light. Say to that light, “You know what light, even though you always stop me, I still love you, you little shit.”
Diffuse anger and stress with love and happiness. It feels so much better.
I once saw a social experiment where a guy wanted to totally diffuse and confuse people. He’d walk up to them in the street, do some kind of crazy, funny body movement ,dance, or just make a ridiculous looking face, and just watch for their reaction. The most amazing thing would happen……….people would start laughing uncontrollably, himself included. Imagine someone saying really insulting to you, and you just immediately start doing the Irish River Dance right in front of them. How awesome would that be? I can tell you one thing, you’d immediately start feeling pretty good, and I’m sure the other person would feel a bit diffused as well.
When someone or something is bothering you, just always keep in mind a few key points:
*When you let something bother you, you’re letting it control you. You’re letting that person or thing win over you. Don’t let other people or things control you. Only let you control you.
*When you react to a hurt with a hurt, you’re no better or right than the thing that hurt you in the first place. An “eye for an eye” and “getting revenge” only ends up hurting both the other person, and yourself. No one wins. And, if the something bothering you isn’t a person…………then you’re the only one that loses.
*Spend your time, energy, brain power, and talents on things that are beneficial. Wasting those things on people or things that don’t benefit you only waste time, and time is always short.
Although the Hulk is cool, he has no self-control. He just reacts to things without thinking. The Hulk let’s things bother him too much.
Don’t be like The Hulk.
Thanks for reading!