5 Ways To Not Let Anything Bother You

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I used to have a really short temper. If someone would say something that annoyed me, or if something happened that frustrated me, I would immediately have an emotional reaction that resulted in me getting angry or pissed off.

I also used to be very defensive. If someone would say something that I felt was criticizing, offensive, or insulting, I would immediately go on the defensive and either lock up within myself, or lash out at that person in an attempt to defend myself in some way.

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Someone says something to us, or something happens to us that we didn’t want to have happen, and it’s like this urge just takes over and we become this almost animal-like, uncontrollable version of ourselves.

I know for a fact that my short temper and my hyper-defensiveness cost me my first real relationship with someone I really loved and cared about.

Years later, when I started trying to change the kind of person I was and improve my mindset, one of the very first things I wanted to do was to fix my temperament and my defensiveness. It was a huge weakness of mine that I knew I needed to change.

It’s taken me quite a while, and I still don’t always get it 100%, but over time, I’ve found ways to deal with things that bother me in ways that I think are extremely useful and have almost entirely eliminated my uncontrollable urges to get angry or lash out.

If you find yourself in a situation where you find that someone or something is bothering you, try the following:

Think

Most reactions we use are of an emotional nature. When something happens that our minds recognize as bothersome or annoying, our first reaction is usually emotional in some way. It’s a defense mechanism that happens, usually, automatically. However, it’s dangerous and completely unnecessary. Instead of lashing out emotionally, take a moment to stop and think sensibly. Ask yourself questions:

“Why would this person say that? Did they really mean to be insulting or hurtful?”

“Am I interpreting what this person is saying the right way?”

“Is this thing that’s bothering me out of my control, or in my control?”

Once you stop to think, you can come to your senses, get to the bottom of things, and see what’s really going on. Emotion has a tendency to cloud perception and judgment. Don’t let it. Control yourself and use your brain to think sensibly.

Control

Getting stressed, angry, and pissed off literally takes energy to do. It requires you to use brain power and physical energy. Is something someone says, or something that things does, really worth using up that energy and brain power? Couldn’t it be better used conserved, or applied more usefully (Such as Smiling and Laughing!).

It’s so easy for a word or a circumstance to ruin a day. You are in complete control of whether or not you want something to affect you. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think using precious energy and brain power is worth it at all.

Laugh

When you smile and laugh, your mind reduces the level of the stress hormone cortisol in your body and triggers the flow of endorphins from the brain, which helps to relax the body and increase a sense of well-being. Smile and laughter is the perfect antidote to frustration, anger, and stress. This seems kind of cliché and stupid, but let’s be honest…..how often does the simple act of smiling and laughing really get used in our daily lives? Probably not as much as it should.

When you decide to smile and laugh, it’s like you’re showing yourself that you’re bigger than what’s being said or done to you. Decide to feel good and happy, not angry.

Mean people suck, remember?

Love

This is the exact mistake I made too often during my first real relationship. When she would say something I felt offensive or critical, I would let my emotions get the best of me and I’d forget about the fact that, “Hey, wait a second…….I love this person.” It doesn’t even have to be someone you know. If a total stranger is pissing you off, just love that person. You’ll be amazed at how amazing you feel after you do it.

You know that light that always seems to turn red right when you’re trying to race to work? Love the shit out of that light. Say to that light, “You know what light, even though you always stop me, I still love you, you little shit.”

Diffuse anger and stress with love and happiness. It feels so much better.

Express

I once saw a social experiment where a guy wanted to totally diffuse and confuse people. He’d walk up to them in the street, do some kind of crazy, funny body movement ,dance, or just make a ridiculous looking face, and just watch for their reaction. The most amazing thing would happen……….people would start laughing uncontrollably, himself included.  Imagine someone saying really insulting to you, and you just immediately start doing the Irish River Dance right in front of them. How awesome would that be? I can tell you one thing, you’d immediately start feeling pretty good, and I’m sure the other person would feel a bit diffused as well.

When someone or something is bothering you, just always keep in mind a few key points:

*When you let something bother you, you’re letting it control you. You’re letting that person or thing win over you. Don’t let other people or things control you. Only let you control you.

*When you react to a hurt with a hurt, you’re no better or right than the thing that hurt you in the first place. An “eye for an eye” and “getting revenge” only ends up hurting both the other person, and yourself. No one wins. And, if the something bothering you isn’t a person…………then you’re the only one that loses.

*Spend your time, energy, brain power, and talents on things that are beneficial. Wasting those things on people or things that don’t benefit you only waste time, and time is always short.

Although the Hulk is cool, he has no self-control. He just reacts to things without thinking. The Hulk let’s things bother him too much.

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Don’t be like The Hulk.

Thanks for reading!

MM

 

 

 

 

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64 thoughts on “5 Ways To Not Let Anything Bother You

  1. I really needed to read this i agree i need to be the bigger person and laugh or smile and dont show that what they say bothers me. I feel i am always on the defence with this person, at every opportunity he has he will put me down say hurtful remarks and it goes on and on all day because he can see it bothers me. I get so frustrated and hurt by whst he says am sick of him being able to get into my head. I would realky like to just smile and laugh ehich i have done to begin with but when it goes on and on its just not funny anymore i do feel like the hilk ready to explode and it ruins my day. I need to keep strong and take cotrol ofy feelings and smile and walk away. I might take up wearing headphones so i can block the comments out.

  2. Great write up.. I needed to read this today.. Thanks Will! 🙂
    “It’s so easy for a word or a circumstance to ruin a day. ” So true.. We never know what gets us and at what moment… To find a control over our reactions is so so so tough!
    You have covered almost all things that can help balance the moment and not react without thinking..

    Love,
    Shruthi

  3. heres my issue i live with my gf who has a just turned 21 yr old son that doesnt work but because he s helped his mother purchase a car somehow i feel thats the reason that his mom just lets him do as he pleases, i work at 6 am and im up at 4 30 am and when i wake he s either just getting home or not home at all and that bothers me because somewhere there should be some kind of consideration of me and his mom having to go to work, its like he lives backwards and since he helped pay for the car means that they share it which is great but its all under his mothers name and she gets home at 4pm and the car is gone by 8pm and isnt back till like 4am this kid doesnt work and is living the vampire life in the streets as we are trying to sleep in order to be ready for work, my anger is because ive told his mom that she needs to put a stop to this and that godforbid one day the car wont be at home on time and she will have to take a train or bus but she says he wont listen and says that she s told him numerous time and that its out of her control so does that mean he just gets to do as he wishes and its f how i feel?????

  4. Very good message .
    My husband is angry man . He tries to control all of us .Most of the time he does not make sence and the way he tries to control is very annoying . I will react immediatly with aggresive manner and we ended up fighting .
    I do not have any problem with anger with anyone except him .My son has the same problem with him .
    I know he is the one who has to learn and help himself but I feel like I have to adopt this staying calm behaviour to help our relationship .

  5. Hey Will, just found your post-it’s really great advice for me. I have come to realise in the past year that I am a ‘Highly Sensitive Person’, who is working through issues of abandonment (great combo!!). I constantly get hurt and upset as a result of people’s words and actions. It’s so energy-sapping and I feel this upset physically too, which is really concerning. I am over it! I’m sick of the people who hurt me having such control over me. I’m going to try your advice and see how I go. Thank you!

    1. I can so agree with what you have wrote. I am a very sensitive person who seems to get taken for granted and walked all over and if i get upset its aw shes crying again its so f frustrating when people blantely take the piss with no regards for how you are feeling or taking the responsibility for making you feel that way. I have felt so disappointed numerous times by people ive become disheartened at how some people can treat others. I hope you find the strength and courage to be strong and i eill try these technics too.

  6. Hi will, I’m ash, I have read your article and are trying to apply your lessons, my parents know how touchy I am and have tried to help me by telling me to ignore people, but due to the fact that I have anxiety and a bit of depression I struggle to let stuff go any advice buddy?

    1. Hey Ashley,

      I still deal with that as an adult in my thirties but have found a way of coping by going over in my mind and asking myself if it was avoidable? It was avoidable, Who was at fault? Was it the other person? Well if you did the best you can and wanted things to go smoothly then you can’t beat yourself up over it. It’s on them to try to improve themselves. If it’s you, take it as a learning experience each time and say okay, that happened, I’m going to learn from it and improve the next time. After cooking in the meantime, it helps to vent or talk to like-minded people. Find someone that is closely related to your personality or sensitivity, and talk to them. Most likely they are going through the same thing that you are now and they will have a fresh perspective to tell you how they got through it themselves. All we can do is our best right? Good luck 🙂

      1. There were a few typos in there. Cooking was supposed to say Coping. And what I meant to say if your friend probably isn’t going through the same thing right now but just had recently. LOL, take care

      2. Cool buddy cheers for the reply, it’s stupid really grown men getting upset lol, I’m changing slowly but surely and it’s nice to talk to people in the same boat, I’ve found that through meditation I’m more at peace and I’m trying to stay disciplined, I’m training two hours or more in gym, everyday, which does your mind wonders and I’m kind of hoping I can be of some inspiration to people in similar situations, but thanks again for the vote of confidence

  7. I guess this is easier said that done. My bf reacts as though he hates me at times and it really hurts. He’s used words like b*tch and c*nt and I can’t seem to let it go. I guess it isn’t something I can love him for or laugh about.

    1. There’s a difference between someone bothering you and something abusing you. Based on what you’ve described, that sounds more like something abusive rather than bothering. My suggestion would be to sit down with him and let him know, in no uncertain terms, that him saying things like that really hurts you. If that doesn’t work, then you need to move on. No one deserves to be treated that way on a consistent basis.

  8. What should I do when a friend gets pissed about every little thing? and sometimes starts getting red and angry. When you try to explain to her, her mistakes?

    1. It’s impossible to control other people and their reactions. All you can do is try to help someone, but it’s up to them whether or not they want to accept that help. However, whatever their reaction is, whether it’s good or bad, it’s important that their reaction doesn’t affect YOU. If they react in a way you don’t like, either ignore it completely, or simply move on. Maybe sit down and have a discussion with them about this personally?

  9. I’m 25 years old and I’ve beenetting my emotions get the best of me its pretty bad when something stupid bothers me my heart sinks and I get frusty doesn’t matter who is around I’ve realized that it’s only harming me and the ones around me I want to be a person that is enjoyable to be around and a person to be able to spread positivity love and happiness where ever I go so as a kid I always to do the Irish step dance at home and my mom would always get a crack out of it had her in stitches it’s so funny how you used that example it not only brought back great memories but from now on any type of negative emotional situation I’m just going to break out in a Irish step dance

  10. I’ve asked them if they could not speak so loud because it bother the other workers and their response was that is the way Chinese people speak, and continue because they feel they have the right, they have no clue of how annoying they are

  11. Help, I have Chinese women at work speaking their language LOUD, you can’t ignore it because it is like a constant mosquito. They are on one side of the building, we are on the other and it is still constantly annoying. how can I learn to love them like we are suppose to do.

    1. Try doing something nice to them even while you might not like them. Good acts incite good reaction, that way you’d be able to easily see the good aspects of these people, which you need only to focus on, therefore you can say then you’re able to love them.

  12. thank you i know i,m relay Yong but this helped a lot im trying to change my life of being the thug that punches people that bother him

  13. Thanks for sharing and I will definitely use this technique next time! Now I feel terrible for lashing out at my kids after not going to bed. 😦

  14. Dude thanks this really helped i was called a name earlier by my boyfriend that ticked me off i was feeling sad, mad etc. Worst of all it’s that emotional time of the month where everything bothers me not to mention im a very sensitive person as it is! After he called me stupid he goes about his day as if nothing ever happened i ignore him and that really set him off and he told me to get over it. So i find myself googling on how to get over things that bother me and here i am! I was crying until i got to the part about loving the red light haha i love it! That part sounds like something my brother would say hehe…. Thanks so much for posting this i will use it the next time anyone says or does something that seems to be a bother to me. Thanks again!

      1. Great points. I can imagine doing the river dance on the clicky school playground In front of the mums who I’ve waisted lots of energy being bothered by!!

  15. Thank you for sharing this. I find myself normally to be a very happy person, but these past three years it’s been different. Little things get to me. When people ask me if I have a boyfriend, then when I have a boyfriend, when I will get married. I don’t get it, but it bugs the crap out of me. I like how you said showing you are angry will allow the other person to win. And really, they don’t ask those questions to anger me. I need control.

    1. “And really, they don’t ask those questions to anger me.”

      Exactly. This is another really important one. Sometimes, just pausing and thinking to myself, “What does this person really mean by saying this? Maybe I’m seeing it the wrong way.”

      Once you take the emotion out of the words, it’s amazing how different things can seem.

  16. Thank you for posting this. I am very guilty of making mountains out of molehills in my relationships w my girlfriend. She has pointed it out to me on numerous occasions and I tried to explain to her how it felt. I told her I knew a small thing she said bothered me. I knew I didn’t want it to. But it’s like I couldn’t stop. Like the Hulk. I’m trying to find things to do or say to stop it before these instances blow up.
    Unfortunately I feel as this problem, among others on both or sides, have resulted in the end of our relationship. I’m not certain yet, but it’s not promising. Regardless thank you for sharing this.

    1. Hey there Josh. Thanks a ton for sharing your story. I really appreciate it.

      I know all too well how you feel. I had the same weakness in the last (and only one since) relationship I had with someone, and it was easily the number one reason why it all fell apart. Like I said in my story, I was extremely defensive, and I took every little sarcastic jab or passive aggressive remark she made as a direct attack on myself as a person. Looking back, I’m ashamed of how immature and selfish I was.

      However, I wouldn’t change that experience for anything. How else would I have known how weak I was, and know exactly what I needed to change about myself, if I didn’t make those mistakes?

      If there’s one thing I wish I would have done in hindsight, it would have been to do something so sickeningly simple: Talk about it. Let her know how I was feeling. There’s a good chance it would have repaired things. But, we’ll never know, will we?

      Perhaps sit down with your girl and talk with her. Let her know how you feel. Let her know that you recognize that you have these weaknesses, but that you absolutely do recognize them and fully intend on improving them. Honestly, you never know. It just may be able to save things.

      It’s worth a shot, right?

      Again, thanks for stopping by my man 😉

  17. I’m glad I found this. I don’t know where to turn to control my emotions. I get very defensive and cry at the slightest thing. I let people upset me then just cry about it and hate people. I came from a horrible childhood and it has affected me making me very sensitive and defensive. A bitch at work is constantly winding me up and today was particularly bad. I found your words and know I will need to work hard so she doesn’t win every time. Why are people so horrible to one another.

    1. I feel your pain! I came home crying from work today because of a mean person. I am trying to not let him get to me but its hard. I cried at what he said and also thinking of how cruelly people can be. I would never intentially be mean and hurt someone. Some people just love to hurt others. I don’t get it!

      1. I heard in alanon that hurt people hurt people. I personally believe that some people are sadistic and feel good hurting others. It is very twisted. God bless you because you care about others; that is the way God made us. Something is wrong with people who hurt others.

      2. Hey there Mary!

        This is actually an interesting comment, because in a way, it ties into the point of my article. See, I don’t think people can hurt others. It’s the people who are having words slung at them that allow those words to hurt them.

        A good example is Josy Altidore, a professional soccer player. He’s also black. He was playing in a professional game in Holland when he started getting racially abused by a section of crowd who would make monkey noises every time he touched the ball. At the end of the game, he did an interview about the match with a reporter, and he was smiling, looking completely calm. The reporter asked him, “Josy, how can you look so calm after being racially abused? That doesn’t bother you?” He said, “Not at all. Why would it? That’s what they want. They want to get a reaction out of me. I refuse to. I just feel sorry for them and hope they get the help they need.”

        It’s a great example of how people can’t actually hurt anyone, as it’s the receiver of the hurtful words who gets to decide just how much those words effect them.

  18. My husband pisses me off so much because every time there is tension he waits for me to resolve it or speak first. It makes my blood boil and ruins my day most of the time. I get tired of being the one responsible for things going well. He should fix it for once.

  19. “Love the shit out of that light” brilliant! That made me laugh! Great words of wisdom, will definitely be trying these ideas, thank you!

  20. I love the article and will definitely try what you’ve mentioned… but if someone says something to me about my boyfriend, is that something I just let go, or let him know that I was offended that he said something insulting about my boyfriend to me. It happened yesterday at work and was bothering me all day and most of today until I read this forum. I can’t tell my boyfriend because he will want to confront him and I don’t want that drama at work. I’m almost positive he was joking when he said it, but I didn’t find it funny… I was rather pissed and wanted to insult him back (which I didn’t.). Advice please!!

    1. Hey there Lauren!

      Honestly, if it were me, I’d just brush it off. You even mentioned that you thought he was joking. Perhaps just chuck it up as him trying to kid around, but it just came off poorly?

      I think that, in the end, it’s about asking yourself this question:

      “Is it worth getting upset over?”

      Is it worth having your happiness impacted by what he’s said? Does what he said really even matter?

  21. I like your suggestions very much – except the one about loving the person who is bothering you or abusing you. There’s nothing ‘loveable’ about an evil person or a sociopath who wishes you harm. But what I WILL do instead is to shine that love and light upon myself so that my anger and hatred during that moment will turn into peace and love for MYSELF. This should diffuse the negative feelings. Thanks.

    1. Hey there Elizabeth.

      Obviously, there has to be a fine line. I would never advocate or suggest that a person allow someone else to abuse them, be it physically or emotionally. The over-arching point is simply that, no matter what situation you find yourself in, and no matter how bad someone may be treating you, ultimately, in the end, WE get to decide how the words being hurled in our direction affect us. We get to decide whether or not we want to believe it when someone calls us a piece of shit, or a useless person. We get to decide how much we want to react to our partner saying, “You know, you never do anything around the house. Just kidding!”

      In the end, some situations require different solutions. However, the power of words, as strong as they are, only have power when they’re allowed to affect the person they’re being directed towards. As long as that person holds up a strong gate, and filters out the bad while letting in the good, they can be in control of their own emotions and happiness.

      It’s definitely not easy, but it’s worth working towards.

      Hope things are well!

  22. Thank you for this…it really helped. Easier said than done but practice makes perfect right. Not sure if you are religious but this is very in-tune with loving everyone and showing forgiveness even for people you don’t know. Thanks again…you made my day brighter :).

  23. I will read this over n over n over, when I read this It felt like my new happy place! I’ve read lot of articles n books with alot of words in it n in just a few word n pointers u hit the nail on the head, Thanks So Much!!!

  24. Thank you Will. You are right I shouldn’t let anyone else control my emotions but me. It is going to take me awhile to get used to that.

    1. Yes, it can take awhile. But, that’s fine. Just be happy and satisfied with making progress. As long as you purposefully, consciously, and consistently practice these new techniques, you WILL change over time!

  25. Great article! Being a highly emotional person who overreacts at the slightest thing I really am trying to turn things around. And I really love your advice above about Internal first, external second! Thinking it may be good to revisit this article on semi-daily basis for the reminder!

    1. I know the feeling Stacy, definitely. I’d say the biggest thing that helped me turn things around was just that: Going from the external to the internal. I think, in the end, I was just tired of letting things outside of myself dictate how I wanted to feel. Screw that.

  26. Hello Will,
    Lately it has been hard to control my emotions and I am a very defensive person the slightest thing like a look or a voice can set me off. I read your article and I have heard the same over and over but it is truly hard to follow. Its mainly certain people that I have to deal with everyday and have a negative history with. I have tried all these things and I can not get any relief from my negative emotions what do you suggest I do?

    1. Hey there Amy! Thanks for taking time out of your day to read the blog. I really appreciate that.

      I can only speak for myself here, but I’m going to give you my approach to dealing with negative people, or people I have no interest being around:

      First and foremost, I refuse to allow my own ability to be happy and feel good to be in the control or hands of someone else. That’s always going to be dictated by ME. And, in those situations, I choose to be happy. I choose to be above it all. I’m not going to allow the words of another person to effect my own happiness. If they say something I don’t like, I simply discard it and smile. I see it as insignificant.

      Secondly, YOU are in control of your own emotions. People can’t make upset. People simply say something to you, and YOU allow it to effect you in a negative way. You have to turn it around. If someone says something to you that you don’t like, ask yourself: “Do I really want this to effect me?” You’ll find that, 99% of the time, the answer is no.

      I guess the best thing I can say is just to refuse to allow your happiness to be dictated by something or someone other than yourself. Everything starts with you and then shows outwards. Internal first, external second. Decide whether or not you want to allow something to effect you. You can make that choice!

  27. This article helped me so much. Simple, funny, to the point. I am now subscribed to your page and am inspired to start writing again. Thanks 🙂

  28. I can not possibly tell you how thankful I am to you for writing this. It’s exactly what I needed to read after an awful school collaboration experience. I’ll apply it to the next one.

  29. I work in customer service and just had one miserable guy ruin my whole night! This article was just the lesson I needed to not let this happen again. Thanks for making me laugh instead of kicking something 😀

  30. Thank you for sharing. I tend to let criticisms affect my emotions. I need to how to stop and think before I do anything stupid.

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